How would you describe your relationship with your mom throughout your different stages in life? Do you remember needing her to fulfill your every need as a baby? From feeding to clothing to kissing on your cuts and scrapes - you literally needed her for everything. Now do you remember the times of your teenage years when you wanted nothing more than to flex your independence end exert your nonexistent power? She yelled, fussed, and yet you still needed her even though you may not have wanted to admit it. Then lastly as an adult, you think of how you could have ever thought about navigating any part of life without her. You again need and consult your mom for everything - from advise, to soothing your crying baby, to reminders to make your doctor’s appointment, to venting to her about how overworked and tired you feel.
Being a mom is a never-ending, selfless job that comes with great benefits and challenges. There is no other role that requires so much of yourself to build up someone else, with the work beginning even before you’ve had a chance to lay eyes on their little face. The bond begins in the womb as you give up so much to develop this wonderful little life that will become your world, your heart, and biggest fear. The moment they arrive, you want nothing more than to protect them from all the dangers, seen and unseen in the world. You want to mold them to become balanced, productive citizens. You want to support their biggest dreams - you listen to their wildest ideas, attend all their recitals, school concerts, sports events and be their biggest, loudest cheerleader.
Fast forward to the adolescent years that are often accompanied with growing pains. Often times, teenagers feel like their moms are out of touch and have no idea what life is like for them. There tends to be detachment and they turn to friends for attention and knowledge. I can personally recall how I used to think my mom was insensitive to my needs as a young adult. Despite my mom’s best efforts to connect while maintaining boundaries and rules, I rebelled. I wanted the freedom to do what my friends were doing. I wanted to live life on my terms (or at least the terms I understood at the time). As a result, I fondly reflect on my teenage years being filled with lots of punishments, long talks, and scolding.
It wasn’t until I reached early adulthood, that I realized my mom was everything. She made tremendous sacrifices for me and my siblings. She made things happen even when they seemed impossible. She did her best to protect me from a cruel world and to help me make better decisions as I paved my way to becoming an adult. Only now as a parent myself do I truly understand her role and her authority.
Some may say, they didn’t have an excellent relationship their my mother because of various reasons. But, the truth is, people often make the best decisions with the information that they have at the time. Envision the information your mom had that may have driven her decisions - you might find that the decisions you’ve come to resent may have been made with good intentions.
Some of you may have lost your mom, and would give anything to be in her presence or hear her voice: allow yourself to remember, honor, and celebrate. Close your eyes and know that it is okay to feel her presence even in her absence. Know that she, too, would give anything to be with you, watch you walk across the stage at graduation, dance at your wedding, and to welcome grandchildren.
If you’re in the camp of wishing to bridge the gap with your mom, please know it’s never too late to start. Although it will not happen overnight, taking the initiative could be a step toward making new memories. Send that text, make that phone call, pay a visit - just extend the olive branch and connect. In the famous words of CS Lewis, “ you can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending”.
Regardless of your relationship, on this Mothers’ Day applaud your mom. Thank her for her love, dedication and sacrifice.